Monday Memo| Detail No.171| September 15, 2024

Some of the heaviest weights we carry are not the ones we chose, but the ones placed on us by relationships we thought were safe. Family, friends, the people closest to us these are the ones we trust to hold us with care. And yet, sometimes, they are also the ones whose words or actions leave us carrying a weight we never saw coming. Shattered expectations have a way of cutting deeper than almost anything else. You expected loyalty but were met with betrayal. You expected understanding but were met with silence. You expected love to feel safe, only to discover cracks in the foundation you thought was unshakable. These moments don’t just sting in the present, they linger, echoing long after the moment has passed, becoming a burden you carry quietly.

The pain of unmet expectations is so heavy because it springs from hope. You hoped someone would show up, but they didn’t. You hoped they would see you, but they turned away. You hoped the bond was unbreakable, but it bent, it cracked, and in some ways, it broke.

When that happens, it’s easy to internalize the weight, to carry it as if it says something about you: Maybe I asked for too much. Maybe I wasn’t worth it. Maybe I’ll never find the love or loyalty I thought I deserved. But those are lies born from disappointment. Shattered expectations say more about the other person’s capacity than your worth.

Still, the weight remains. You smile in public, but inside you’re replaying conversations, rewriting endings that never came. You want to move forward, but part of you clings to the ache, because to let go feels like admitting it didn’t matter. And it did matter. It mattered deeply.

So how do we live with this kind of weight? We start by acknowledging it. Too often, we bury the hurt under busyness or pretence, pretending it doesn’t affect us. But unspoken pain only grows heavier. Naming it, saying, I was hurt, I was let down, I expected more is the first step to loosening its grip. Then comes the harder part: releasing what is no longer ours to carry. We cannot force someone to meet the expectations we held for them. We cannot rewrite their choices. What we can do is choose what we carry forward. Some relationships may heal, some may not. But your worth is not determined by who showed up or who failed you. There is power in setting down the weight of shattered expectations. Not in pretending it never hurt, but in refusing to let it define your steps. You learn to carry love differently, to root it in yourself, in people who truly show up, in the quiet resilience you’ve built from every heartbreak.

If you’ve felt this weight from family, friends, or close allies, you are not alone. The ache of broken trust is universal, even if it feels isolating in the moment. But remember this: the weight you carry does not have to be permanent. It can become a teacher, showing you what kind of love you need, what kind of boundaries you deserve, and what kind of strength you already have. Because at the end of it all, you are not the weight of what others failed to be for you. You are the strength of what you choose to be for yourself.